Jal and I were talking about suspicious packages at the workplace, and I said that it was a stupid question: nobody would open a package from an unknown sender. He said most people would. It'll probably be something they ordered and forgot about, or some kind of promotional freebie - what's the harm in opening it up?
I guess I've seen too many episodes of CSI where people get bad things in packages, like explosives or chopped off body parts, but I don't think it's a wise idea to open a package if I don't know the sender.
I didn't think he would actually open a package from an unknown sender, so I sent him one just to make sure. After weeks of subtly trying to suss out his likes and dislikes, I ended up recruiting one of his friends from the office to help me think of something that Jal would like. He recommended coffee from this particular café, but the canister was quite small, so my next problem was trying to come up with a package large enough that the parcel wouldn't get delivered like a letter, and more likely to end up lost in the corporate mailroom. Plus, one of the signs that a package is suspicious is that it has excessive packaging.
So I placed the coffee in the bag, and then the bag inside a much larger bag, with a ton of air so that it'd be nice and puffy.
I also didn't want the package traced back to me, so my next step was to find someone to mail it from a suburb other than the the one we work in, and the one I live in, otherwise it'd be too obvious that it was from me. That step proved harder than I thought it would be. I began the search for someone who would take a package home with them and mail it for me, no questions asked.... something that's a lot harder than out sounds!
Not having much success, I eventually relented to showing the person what's inside the package, and wrapping it in a plastic bag so that they wouldn't end up putting their fingerprints on it. And even then, it wasn't until I an hour before I was going to go home that I finally managed to find someone. (I should note that A did originally agree to do it, but since he works a decent walk away from the office, and leaves before I do, I couldn't work out a good time to meet up with him and do the drop.) My mule did threaten to steal the package for himself once he saw what was inside it, but fortunately, he stayed true to his word and mailed it.
With the package finally organised, and the sending origin covered, the mission was a go!
I got a message from Aust Post saying my package was due to arrive today, so I got into the office all excited. Then I started to panic. What if the package got rejected by the mailroom for being too suspicious? What if Jal went to pick it up and then told the concierge that he didn't recognise the sender and asked for it to be sent back? What if they shook it and started to think it really was a bomb and we had to evacuate the building? The packaging has a tracking number attached to it, and my phone number was linked to get SMS notifications. My fingerprints were all over the package. I used my credit card to buy the coffee. I asked so many questions to the barista, she might remember me.
I am quite possibly the worst criminal in the world.
Aust Post sent me an SMS saying that the package had been delivered, which meant that it was now in the building. The waiting game had begun...
First stumbling block - Jal had gotten locked out of his account (something that often happens as a developer as we often run tests with our credentials and a minor typo being automatically retried heaps of times can quickly result in your account being locked out), so he couldn't check his emails. If he couldn't check his email, he wouldn't be notified about his package, and so it'd sit there longer, drawing notice to itself!
I had told my boss about the prank, whenever Jal left his desk, we'd look at each other and wonder if "the eagle had landed". I also realised that I couldn't really leave my desk, in case Jal did consider calling the police about it being a bomb. I had to be there when he thought about opening it. Michael did offer to let me pay him to get me lunch, but I declined his generous offer.
It wasn't until 1:43pm that he went to collect the package and when he returned, I ducked even lower at my desk and struggled to contain my laughter. I heard him put the package down, and without even doing a quick Google search or any kind of investigation about the sender (he has a mechanical keyboard (cherry browns), so I can easily hear keystrokes), I heard him tear open the package.
I was horrified. It could have been a bomb! He didn't seem to hesitate at all. My boss was watching him, and I was still hiding behind my monitors struggling not to laugh. I wanted to hear everything.
He took the coffee out of the bag and started shaking it! Another explosives no-no. Then he finally found the picture I had put inside which is a bit of a running joke between us, and he said, "Fodder, did you send this?" I was still trying really hard to suppress my laughter, so my boss responded by saying, "Look at her, she can't control herself." Jal figured out it was me.
I asked him why he opened it and whether he knew anyone with the name I had made up and written on the back. He said he didn't, and said he opened it because the order of possible events, from most likely to least likely, was as follows:
- he was being sent an apology gift from someone he had bought something from recently where he had returned the item
- he had ordered something and forgot about it
- it was some sort of promotional item / spam
- it was something mistakenly addressed to him (unlikely as his name was correctly spelled, and it had all the correct details on the package, including the floor he currently worked on)
- lots of other potential explanations
- it was a bomb / blackmail material / something to cause him harm
I can understand his logic, but the paranoid person in me says that I'm better off just returning it to the sender. If it was junk, then no big loss. If it was a gift intended for me, it'd go back to the sender who would find some other way to contact me and let me know. If they can't, again, no big loss. If it was mistakenly addressed to me, it'd return to the sender who would probably realise their mistake, so that's a win. If it was a bomb / bad thing, it would return to the sender, again a win. The difference is that I don't often order things, and I very rarely get it sent to the office if I do.
It was pretty fun talking with the other developers on my team about how to make the package more suspicious-looking. There was the cliché suggestion of some sort of ticking sound, but honestly, what kind of clocks have ticking sounds anymore? Plus, I did want my package to arrive safely, and not get detained / destroyed by Aust Post, but I was also a bit curious what would happen if they thought my parcel did have a bomb in it. In my defense, I did sign that little declaration thing on the package saying that I promised it didn't have explosives inside it. Not that it would hold up in court if it had a ticking sound, wires protruding from it, was leaking a mysterious liquid, and smelled like C4.
Jal seemed to appreciate the gift, despite all the theatrics around it, and that's the most important thing.
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